The Irony of Condescending Syntax

"Finished," he said, speaking with that omission of syntax stupid people employ when talking to drunken people or foreigners. "No more tonight. Close now."

from "A Clean,Well-Lighted Place," a Hemingway short story

This quick passage captures another aspect of the handbook for monolingual, ethnocentric Americans abroad, Bubba's Guide to Making Yourself Understood While Traveling.

1. Speak English, someone, no doubt, will eventually understand you.
(If this doesn't yield desired result, continue with next steps.)

2. Repeat slowly in English, obviously their command of English is understandably limited.

3. Repeat loudly (and slowly) in English, perhaps they have hygenically-deficient ears.

4. Walk away, muttering insults at the ignorant foreigners.

And now there's a controversy over a Spanish version of the national anthem? Wake up, America...now may be I'm wrong, but is the first amendment limited to English words only? Que loco!

Selections From Office Haiku by James Rogauskas

Introducing this humorous collection, Mr. Rogauskas observes that haiku is "the perfect poetry form for a society conditioned to pay attention to nothing longer than a fifteen- or thirty-second commercial spot." Here are a few gems that take me back to fond memories of such cinematic classics, Office Space and Haiku Tunnel.

How do to nothing
Without looking like you are
Just doing nothing.

Passive aggressive?
Maybe--but you're not getting
It any
sooner.

Today is payday--
For one brief, shining moment
It all seems worthwhile.

The Spiritual Introspection of Matisyahu

Check out these lines from "King Without a Crown" by Matisyahu:

"Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low
You want G-d but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If your cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the waters and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from G-d you say he couldn't be found
Searching up to the sky and looking beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown..."


Listen to a Sept 2005 NPR interview with Matisyahu